There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
