you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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