Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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