Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
