things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
