I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
