so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
