i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
