Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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