If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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