There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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