Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
