Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
