My liver just broke up with me...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
