my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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