This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
