Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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