we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
