She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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