if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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