So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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