wanna go halves on a baby?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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