I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
