And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
