Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
