I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
