The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
