I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
