So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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