Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
