PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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