I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
