Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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