New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
