Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
