why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Houston, we have a squirter
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
