I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
