Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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