dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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