Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
this will be a night to untag.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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