discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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