you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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