no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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