my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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