I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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