WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
