I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
