There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
