hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
