**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
